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草加市 [userpic]

May 27th, 2010 (08:44 pm)
cold

Asobi ni Ikanai ka?: Rose and Kat's
My Soul Feels: cold

My father just died.

I don't really know how to take this. We weren't exactly close. Well, to put it plainly he hadn't talked to me in almost 20 years. But two years ago he approached me again. Said he wanted to get to know me. I didn't exactly give him a chance. I tried a little.... but I should have tried harder. He just wanted to make it right and stupid me had to be a selfish bitch. I really hate myself for it now.

I don't know how to take it. It wasn't supposed to be this way. Not at all.

Comments

Posted by: The puriny one (mogumogu)
Posted at: May 28th, 2010 02:29 am (UTC)
Chocobo is sad

I know how it feels to feel one didn't take advantage of the time to know someone better.

The fact of the matter is, you had the relationship you had. If you'd had more time, you may or may not have done what you'd intended, and you may have had a different relationship, or it might have just been the same. It might not have been what you needed. You can't beat yourself up for not doing what seems right in hindsight.

Posted by: 草加市 (kurosaki_koi)
Posted at: May 28th, 2010 07:11 am (UTC)

I realize that. It's just I think the shock of everything is getting the better of me at the moment.

Posted by: りな (uebo14)
Posted at: May 28th, 2010 02:33 am (UTC)
Shou= Scenery of looking Down.

Bb, I'm so sorry for that sad news. I had a friend who experienced something like that, and I know that it hurts. Ilusm love, idk what to say to you to make you feel better, but *hugs*

Posted by: 草加市 (kurosaki_koi)
Posted at: May 28th, 2010 07:11 am (UTC)

Just posting is enough. Thank you, dear.

Posted by: Breyzy and Yin Girl (breyzyyin)
Posted at: May 28th, 2010 05:00 am (UTC)
Breyzy: when we wake to the reality

I'm so sorry for your loss. Dealing with death is hard in general, and feeling regret on top of it makes it seem even harder in a lot of ways...life can be really unfair sometimes. I'm sorry. *hugs*

Posted by: 草加市 (kurosaki_koi)
Posted at: May 28th, 2010 07:12 am (UTC)

Very unfair. I don't think I would have taken quite this badly if it hadn't been so sudden.

Posted by: Kara Aconoe (fayth_flame)
Posted at: May 28th, 2010 06:23 am (UTC)
Pandora - Embrace

I know by now all the words have been said to you in every way possible by almost everyone around. So instead I just have this message:

Kanashii toki hora issho ni itami wo wakete namida wo nagasou
Hitori bocchi ni kanjitte mo bokura wa kimi wo matteiru

"In times of sadness, see, we're together; let's divide the pain and cry
Even when you feel all alone, we'll be here waiting for you."

Posted by: 草加市 (kurosaki_koi)
Posted at: May 28th, 2010 07:13 am (UTC)

Thanks, Kate <3 For everything. Really.

Posted by: llilyb (llilyb)
Posted at: May 28th, 2010 08:28 am (UTC)
Kuriboh

*hug*

Relationship with parents are difficult, especially with her father when we are a girl I think ^^;
I haven't seen my father during 10 years, now we have in contact but we don't talk or a bit ^^;
I'm in a difficult situation... because I'm still anger against him and I don't think I could forgive him one day (and anyway he doesn't looks wanting to get know me better (>_<))
So, if I must lost him, maybe I'd feel like you. But also I know feeling need time to change. This time you didn't have, but as said mogumogu, maybe nothing would have changed too...

Anyway... Just with your heart, I'm sure your father understand your feelings now. So forgive yourself because I think your father made this before and I don't think he'd wish you're unhappy :(

Parent's love is really powerful and if you feel alone, if you had regrets, tell him. I'm sure he'll listen you, I'm sure he'll be always with you, beside and he'll be always alive in your memory.

What I said is useless I think... Sorry m(_ _)m
I would have wished saying something like fayth_flame, but she made this better than me ^^
But I think the same thing ♥♥♥

*hug again*

Posted by: 草加市 (kurosaki_koi)
Posted at: May 28th, 2010 04:08 pm (UTC)

It wasn't useless. Thank you.

Posted by: ....Hitomi wo Tojite.... (crysaliz)
Posted at: May 28th, 2010 02:11 pm (UTC)
Komui Lee

*hugs* im sorry to hear that

Posted by: 黒の夜空 (blacknightsky)
Posted at: May 28th, 2010 02:25 pm (UTC)
G-Dragon | GD

I'm sorry for your lost...

I can't say that I know how it feels, since the only person I lost was my grandfather, but I hope you can hang on strong...!

Posted by: 草加市 (kurosaki_koi)
Posted at: May 28th, 2010 04:09 pm (UTC)

I'm trying to be strong for my other siblings and my mom, which is difficult as I'm not the strong one at all.

Posted by: 黒の夜空 (blacknightsky)
Posted at: May 28th, 2010 04:15 pm (UTC)
Mao | Dark

I know you can do it. I have faith in you.

Posted by: 草加市 (kurosaki_koi)
Posted at: May 28th, 2010 04:20 pm (UTC)

Thanks dear. It means a lot. *hugs*

Posted by: Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ (yamada_hanako)
Posted at: May 29th, 2010 07:19 pm (UTC)

Oh God, I'm sorry to hear about this, I really am. Life is full of choices but unfortunately, only hindsight gives us 20/20 vision. You can't blame yourself for what happened. Don't take the full weight of what has happened onto your shoulders - it'll crush you. There are people around you who I'm sure will be more than willing to help support you. I am one of them :) Send me a message if you ever feel the need to.

You and your family will be in my prayers.

Posted by: 草加市 (kurosaki_koi)
Posted at: May 29th, 2010 07:33 pm (UTC)

Thanks Maria. I'm doing better today then I've been. Just kind of numb to everything.

Posted by: Naoe Nagi (amyused)
Posted at: June 1st, 2010 06:17 am (UTC)
Utena: Beauty

Oh no, that sounds like a truly horrible thing to suddenly occur. I hope that things are calming down and getting a bit easier for you and your family now that a little bit of time has passed. I'm sorry I wasn't around to talk to you earlier. ;_; <3

Posted by: 草加市 (kurosaki_koi)
Posted at: June 1st, 2010 01:23 pm (UTC)
Rikkaidai Default

It was. At first when I was told I thought it was in some way a sick joke. But it turned out not to be (what's that saying, assuming makes an ass out of u and me?)

It's calmed down a little. I've been trying not to think so much about it until I had to (which is today, ironically -.- )

Don't worry about that. Kelly and Neko didn't know until last night as well as they were at Animazement all weekend and were busy getting ready for said con before that.

Posted by: Naoe Nagi (amyused)
Posted at: June 1st, 2010 04:27 pm (UTC)
Baba: Oh Captain My Captain

Well, again, I just hope things can level out as soon as possible. :X Hang in there, honey.

Posted by: 草加市 (kurosaki_koi)
Posted at: June 3rd, 2010 05:07 am (UTC)

Yeah... I'm already a little better. I think I just needed closure or something.

Posted by: overlord_sumomo (overlord_sumomo)
Posted at: June 4th, 2010 12:32 am (UTC)

Its always hard and I know that you have regrets but try talking at his grave. It might help a little....Sorry about your loss